Getting My Husband Involved

First of all Debbie, I am so impressed with your family! I know so many women that are in the same situation with their husbands. It's a tough role for many women, especially those that don't have willing husbands like you do. In any event, I'm so glad that you came up with the idea for this article and think you did a woderful job writing it.

I think that you made a great observation when you said, "If we would have had this discussion earlier, I think things would have been a lot different for our kids." My wife helps me all the time to be a good dad, including reminders to read with our kids - and I am a librarian for heaven's sake.

One suggestion for single moms is to take their son to the public library and help him find a book or magazine that HE is interested in.

Hello Deb, I still think you are a good Wife & the BEST Mom you always think about your kids, I love when you said "guys just need to be guided" yes they do! they need someone to guide them to the library :) ,what I really want to say is every family have a reading issue: we just can't see it or we wont see it, but you did because you have a wonderful family.

About the advice I give for those Single Moms :

"Don't be single, make the book your friend and teach your kid to do the same!"

Ah, you guys are way too nice! Ayoub, as far as being the best mom I think you are the top voter! That is usually not what I am hearing here from the kids. I am more like the mom cracking the whip on most days lol. Most days I feel more like a broken record and a drill instructor. :)

First of all, congratulations deb. Sometimes it is hard for a guy to accept dialogue especially when it comes to education and reading. I'm happy for you your husband was open for you to talk about it.

I have a bit of a similar experience with what you are experiencing. The role is just reversed. Since I am a teacher I am the one reading to my daughter every time I go home from work. I see to it that before we go to sleep my daughter and I sit on the bed and read a storybook she wants. It's sad because my wife works at night so she is not here to bond with us during our reading time.

For all the single moms out there, Kudos to you for raising your child on your own. Spend at least 20 minutes a day reading to or with your kid. When it becomes a habit, they will be the ones telling you, "Hey mom! it's time for us to read!"

Just so you guys also know, my wife is 7 weeks pregnant and I promise to start reading to my 2nd baby starting this weekend. It is never to early to start reading to your kids.

Chuck---Congrats! And you are right it's never too early to start reading to the children. Seven weeks pregnant I remember the days! You are at such an exciting time in your lives!! Maybe it will be a boy? :)

@deb. It is exciting! I talk to the baby everyday. Try to let it feel that there is an environment someone outside his world that cares for him/her. I'm going to buy reading books for my babies this weekend.

What good reading materials are there for kids age 0-2?

(I hope its a boy this time.) Thanks again Deb!

I admired you Deb for having a great family. We can always remind our husband to help us, with more explanations and discussions,I'm sure everything will be fine. "It will always takes two to tango".

Single moms should still find time to read books with their kids no matter what, like ayoub said, make books your friend too.

Chuck,Congratulations!

Chuck,

     Check out the Baby Einstein books. My youngest loved them. The company was started by a mom (Julie Clark) who wanted to share the joys of reading with her children.

There is even a book titled Baby Shakespeare- World of Poetry.

Hi Debby!
I think getting boys to read at really young age is beneficial to their self-esteem. My father was never a good reader as a child, and with eight children in his family it may of been because they didn't get a lot of one-on-one parental reading time. I can't recall my father reading with me as a child, but I do remember my [drill sergeant] mother making me read everyday. Now I really enjoy reading because I am confident in it.
As for my father, he still does not read for enjoyment. He always prides me on how well I read, write and how well spoken I am. Many times he's even had me write out his employee reviews [Shh!] and check over his paperwork.

On a side note- Your children are so cute!

Hi Kayla,

You are a joy to both of your parents. :) We are very lucky to have you and you have turned out to be a wonderful young woman.

Time will pass fast and soon you will start your own family and you then can be the drill sergeant. The great thing is watching all of your children growing up to be able to succeed in life.

Welcome Kayla! In response to this blog article, what would do you think a father's role should be? Also, what specific things (reading related) do you think a husband should do with his son?

Thanks Deb. I will certainly check out those books for my baby. Poetry! Definitely. Thanks also Vanessa. And Welcome to Kayla. Enjoy our website. Please do keep visiting this website. It is helpful for all of us.

"what would do you think a father's role should be?"

I remember my dad introducing me to books which developed my imagination. He told stories of flying giant grasshoppers and the like. I think it would be nice that dads try to tickle their boys imagination by reading them books which out of this world!

"what specific things (reading related) do you think a husband should do with his son?"

Story telling! This for me is my favorite. It helps your kid be creative and at the same time you spend quality time with him. To spice it up a bit, you could also let your son do the story telling.

Thanks for the welcoming!

I've never really given the thought of what a father's role should be in a child's life specifically. It may just be the way I was raised, but I strongly feel all fathers should be comfortable doing everything with their children that the children's mothers do. Whether it be reading nightly, helping with homework, or taking them on educational trips to the library.
I also believe that if reading was considered one of those "gender neutral" activities, more young boys would feel confident in it and fathers would be more apt to read with their young boys, leaving us with a lot more life long readers that do it for enjoyment!

My ex was not the reader type and so most of the time spent for reading with the kids was assigned to me. I read to my boys a lot especially when they were younger. Not sure if it has to do something with gender roles but my ex seems to put himself in a position that the mom should be doing most of the educating part.

Good discussion! And Debby, I'm a Rhode Island native, from Riverside! Now in western North Carolina, where spring comes serveral weeks earlier but there's no salt water, and the coves here are mountain ones. Anyway, I wanted to mention that there was a great article recently in the School Library Journal about the importance of men reading to kids, as role models. I'd never thought about it before, but it all made sense --it's usually moms reading to the kids, not the dads. My son-in-law is not the great reader that my daughter is, but I have pictures of him reading to his toddlers, and he's a great story teller. What can we do to promote this vision? Mike, thanks for getting in touch with me. I love your website. More later.

Hi Jane! And welcome to the GBR! Nice to run into a fellow Rhode Islander once in a while..it's still cold yucky here I cannot wait until spring! :)

Okay, back on topic. To answer the question of what we can do to promote this vision I think the more men read to our younger ones the more it will become natural. I believe if they are read to by the male role models while they are young then they will do the same and history will repeat itself.

There is so much more to this than just reading. It's quality time spent with the child. It's bonding time. It's adventure time!

I have been an elementary school librarian for twenty years now. I have watched the reading behaviors of a lot of children.

In my primary school libray (PreK - 1st grade) I see so many little boys who choose books they think will impress their fathers and older brothers. One first grader checked out a particular book about deer many times because his father's passion in life was hunting. Another boy whose father was a busy coach always wanted a sports book, because Dad would notice that. These children are craving validation from their role models.

Little boys, especially, are often given many signals from older males in their lives about what is "manly" or "grown up" and what is "sissy" or "baby stuff." They are very sensitive to these at a very young age.

Any way in which a father can show his approval for his young children's journey to become a reader is very important. When father's show disdain for the "ducky & bunny" easy reader or class reading lesson because it is "baby stuff," or simply show no interest in reading or the child's progress in reading and writing, the child learns these things are not important in " the real man's world."

I love that happy, proud look in a little boy's eyes when he tells me he is going to read his "cool car" book with his Dad. I hope more and more father's get to see that joy, as well.

That is so true Donna, getting affirmation and approval from a father really is a big thing for boys and even for men. It is a good thing if the father is able to give that validation. Parents, especially the Fathers, play a primary role in the growth and development of a boy.

Hi Donna,

I'd like to make a book suggestions for young boys, that EVERYONE would think is cool. It is illustrated by Robert Lence, who animates for Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks (he animated Shrek, Toy Story, A Bug's Life, etc.). Anyway, before he was an animator/illustrator, he was an amateur wrestler at the University of Michigan with my husband. My husband and I wrote a simply rhyming ABC concept book on the sport of amateur wrestling (which all kids think is cool), and Robert Lence illustrated the book. It is for ages 4-10, and teaches much, much more than wrestling. Really it focuses on life lessons (nutrition, fitness, good sportsmanship, dedication, perseverance, etc.)

The book has been widely accepted by not just the wrestling arena, but educators as well. The school district of Hazel Park, MI purchased quite a few copies of the book for their high schoolers to read to the elementary schools. Several other school districts have ordered copies as well.

Just thought I'd mention it, not just because I wrote it (with my husband), but because we really have received a lot of positive feedback from parents that their little boys just loved the book. Several parents have said that their boys took it to school to read aloud to their classroom.

Thanks, Veronica Davids (author, "Wrestling The ABCs-Creating Character and Fostering Fitness")

I had read to my son every day of his life. After reading the book, Raising a Reader - Make Your child a Reader for Life by Paul Kropp, I took the issue very seriously and also began writing with him. Kropp said the two danger zones for when kids may stop reading are 4th and 9th grades. And more boys tend to drop out than girls. Other resources I have found helpful and enlightening are by Michael Sullivan and Ralph Fletcher.

Gary VanRiper
www.adirondackkids.com

Thanks

"They don't read novels or things that I would suggest, mostly woodworking magazines, but at least they are engaged in reading together. But you know, who am I to judge? It is still reading."

Right here you have hit the nail on the head when it comes to thinking that boys don't read.

Reading novels is one kind of reading, not the only kind but often touted as the only 'real' reading. You ask, 'who am I to judge?' but be careful, that little disclaimer about how they aren't reading what you would suggest, like novels, reveals clues about what kind of reading you value. In Reading Don't Fix No Chevys by Michael Smith and Jeffrey Willhelm the authors did a study that revealed how many boys did not think they read because they weren't reading books, novels, plays.

Deb,

That's such a nice story. Showing once again how important communication is. I could also imagine it being a role-reversal between me and my wife. We have a six-month-old and when it comes time to read to her, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be the one to jump in and do it voraciously. Will be interesting to see if she does too! I think she will, and if she doesn't I'll have that little chat with her.

Read, read, read!

Bill

It is great to read the above entries and I congratulate you all in your efforts to encourage boys (and men) to read. I think it is so important for kids to build a strong positive relationship with books and reading early on - no matter what the content. Comic books, Graphic novels, gross humor, woodworking magazines, picture books - ANYTHING. I believe content is key in grabbing the interest of boys, and probably dads as well.

Positive reinforcement like enjoying a book with Dad helps build lasting memories and instill a love of reading.

Bill - you say it well: "Read, read, read!"

Lynette
www.picpocketbooks.com

It is great to read the above entries and I congratulate you all in your efforts to encourage boys (and men) to read. I think it is so important for kids to build a strong positive relationship with books and reading early on - no matter what the content. Comic books, Graphic novels, gross humor, woodworking magazines, picture books - ANYTHING. I believe content is key in grabbing the interest of boys, and probably dads as well.

Positive reinforcement like enjoying a book with Dad helps build lasting memories and instill a love of reading.

Bill - you say it well: "Read, read, read!"

Lynette
www.picpocketbooks.com

I'm a single mom and my parents keep on pushing me to someone to share my life in order for my "4-month-old" baby to grow well. Until now, I still do not know what it feels to have someone to share my daughter with. I've just been reading a couple of essay writing on the web and that's pretty much it. I have to admit that those essays do convince me that it is healthier for my child to grow with a father.

Thanks, never had such experience as you ! May i use it in my course work?

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